An Apology and a Vision

s.a. borders-shoemaker, author, apology, vision, 2020, vulnerability, authenticity

This year, I’m starting off with an apology and a vision to share. Not because I have committed mortal sin, but because I have made missteps that should be acknowledged.

So, I want 2020 to start off on a better foot with you all.

You deserve it. And I want to show up for you all in a meaningful way. To help your navigate the waters of life and creativity. Perhaps even to assist in easing the burdens you carry. In light of this desire, let me begin.

I have hidden myself more than I should.

I am an eccentric sort of person, something I readily accept. And in my human imperfection, sometimes I am more afraid to be judged than I am brave and willing to be vulnerable. For the appearance of being quite open, I am actually a deeply private person. A true introvert, I keep what is precious close to my chest.

Don’t mistake me: I don’t think being private is an issue. What isn’t working here is that I have so often invited you all to share while not doing so myself. For that, I am sorry. You wouldn’t speak freely with someone you don’t know, and I shouldn’t expect that of you.

When you are fully alive in who God made you to be, the world benefits. This is something I strongly believe in. Yet, I have found that in the chaos of bending and adapting to the numerous changes over the last few years, I have neglected to be more myself. It’s that part of me that’s a people-pleaser. That’s not an easy thing for me to admit. It is true, all the same. I have been tremendously tired, and there were periods where everything felt like a battle. And I needed to work on the hurting pieces that had gone neglected too long.

My goal is to open up.

I am in the midst of becoming and returning. Becoming the person I’m meant to be and returning to those parts that make me wildly myself. So this year, my goal is to be more open with you all. To share more about those things that define me, my talents and struggles. Oh, and my quirks. I’m a quirky gal.

Here’s how it’s going to look:

  • More candid and random reflections for you all.
  • Engaging in meaningful conversations that are important to you.
  • Being more present.
  • Relaxing into this process.

Yes, on the business side, I intend to offer new services. But we’ll talk about that more in another post.

I do intend to maintain healthy boundaries. I want to come to you all refreshed and prepared rather than hurried and disgruntled. So I am putting into place practices that will help with that.

Getting to know you all is my privilege, and I want to honor that. May 2020 be a year of authenticity for me and you. May we journey forward together and in kindness.

In Courage & Care,

Samantha

7 thoughts on “An Apology and a Vision

  1. Roxie Stephenson says:

    Oh Samantha, I love your heart! Everything you said are things I’ve been thinking myself for my own blog page. Thank you for opening up and being more vulnerable. You are truly an inspiration to us all. Cannot wait to see what you have for us this year πŸ˜ŠπŸ’œ

  2. ANGELA P GROENHOUT says:

    I was cued to come to your post by Roxie. πŸ˜‰ Your words are pure and there is clarity here in how you are growing. I just want to say, that all three of us are of the same maternal line, a line that has elements of all that you have said. In my mother, as well, I think, that was evident in her sister, your grandmother, there was a gentleness, but also a strength that was suppressed because they were a product of their times. This suppression, which I have also felt in the early adult years due to culture and personal issues, is stifling. What you are revealing sometimes takes years of growing and learning. Power through. I pray that your path is filled with those who give you the support you need to do your work. Blessings to you, cousin!

  3. Tammera says:

    Learning and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is not easy…in fact, it’s scary. I have questioned how much of my health struggles to put on my FB, but since I have I have discovered many prayer warriors and others who understand my struggles. You are amazing, smart, and beautiful!

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